Tis the season to be jolly

I love Christmas. This was my moms favorite holiday. As soon as December came around we began preparations in my house to make sure Christmas day was absolutely the best day of the year. I come from a pretty big family and every Christmas everyone always came together at my parents apartment in the Bronx.

My parents and I came to this country from Guyana South America where Christmas is always a festive occasion. Everyone looked forward to the meal that was being prepared. My mom was the best cook and I was her attentive pupil. She would soak raisins, currants and prunes in rum for weeks at at time in order to have the perfect black cake for everyone to enjoy. Black cake is actually a really tasty version of the traditional holiday fruit cake. It's dark color, achieved from the brown sugar that's melted and poured into the finished batter is why its called black cake. The rum that's poured over the finished cake and allowed to soak in doesn't hurt it either.

My aunts always made sure to bring all of the Tupperware they owned in order to take home some of the tasty dishes that were prepared. We would all sit around and laugh, eat and commiserate about life and how good it was. My mom passed away 18 years ago; 3 weeks before her favorite holiday. The family no longer gets together as we did when she was alive. That tradition came to an end when she passed. We did try one year to keep it going but it just was not the same.

I now have a family of my own that I make some of my moms creations for them. My black cake is just as good as hers. I know this because my American born husband is always looking forward to having it on Christmas day. This year is really special to me because my daughter is at the age when she can enjoy her presents and start to learn what the holiday is all about. I already have my fruit soaking in rum and I'm going over Christmas dinner menu in my head. Its just going to be my husband, myself and my two babies not the Hugh gathering I was once a part of.

However its still going to be a special day to me because I had a mother who always made it a special time because she embodied what the season was all about; the celebration of life and the person who made life possible by giving us his son.

mommy,mommy,mommy

I've always wanted to be a mother. when I was much younger I wanted to have 6 babies. Not all at one time though. I became pregnant with my 1st child during my senior year of high school. I was a mom at 18. What a change that bought to my life. I did not think I could love any one person so much. My life was consumed by my son. I just wanted the best for him. he was such a beautiful child. always happy, never fussy. I didn't even realize he was teething until he bit me because he never cried, fussed or had a fever that can sometimes happen with teething. He was a friendly, happy and always polite child. I thought I hit the jackpot with this kid.

Then came High School and the growing pains associated with being a teenager. My child changed on me overnight. I was no longer Mom, but now that lady who lived with him. Now don't get me wrong; he was just miserable 5 out of 7 days a week. the 2 days he was not were great. On those 2 days we could talk and joke about anything. I thank God that he still remained honest with me even through the misery. He would still confide in me about anything because he knew I was there to support him with his dreams and goals.

He always wanted to be in the music industry ever since he was a young boy. When I was pregnant with him I would place earphones over my belly; and he would simply go crazy. He enjoys all music genres. I am proud to say he just finished work on his first album and I can say with pride its pretty good. The beautiful boy who turned into the miserable teenager is now a hardworking responsible man of 25.

I thought he was going to be my only child when to my surprise at age 41 I became a mother for the 2nd time. Who would have thought this could happen again; especially after being told on more than one occasion the I was not able to have any more children. I had a beautiful baby girl. Then I was surprised again when I became pregnant 1 year later while using birth control. Mind you I was not even trying to have any more babies. . My 3rd child, whom is my 2nd son was born a month before my 43rd birthday.

Phase II of my life starts again. I now have half of the children I wanted when I was younger. My daughter is 2 and my son is 5 months old. The love I have for these 2 babies is insurmountable. I just look at them and melt. My daughter is just a bundle of energy, who only stops to eat and have juice. No I take that back; she dances when she eats and drinks juice. My son is a happy chunky piece of Carmel who beams when his sister comes into sight. I look at them with pride and dream of their graduation day and there marriages. I just want to be around long enough to enjoy these major accomplishments.

I know I will probably be the oldest mom at the PTA meeting or the soccer games or whatever activity they favor. I don't care because I think I'm holding up pretty good for someone society considers middle aged. My Butt can rival that of someone 20 years younger. Now my days are filled with dirty diapers. Dirty laundry. Nickelodeon, Disney channel and sprout TV. I left a job I simply hated just to be at home with them to enjoy all that I've been blessed with.

There are are days when I want to just lock myself in a room for some peace and quiet to get away from the noise of an overly energetic 2 year old and a 5month old who I wish can sometimes fix his own bottle in the middle of the night. Oh yeah he still does not sleep through the night. Did I forget to mention that my new name is now mommy, mommy, mommy. Oh yeah, all day long. I just wish she would call me by my name sometimes so I can feel like an adult. Who would have thought that that I would be doing this again. I didn't. I am so grateful for Melvin, Michelle and Mason; because without them my ovaries may have turned into dust by now.